I'm not one to pick at the way people live their lives because I hate when people do that shit to me. I understand that there are reasons for a person to be stealth, and that they might just not identify as part of the queer community and that's fine. It's safety issues, it's emotional reasons, various aspects of people's experience, etc. And the fact that once you're "done" transitioning you won't bring it up unless someone else does.
We as white middle class queer people consider our community to be primarily queer people. Some of us (no assumptions) left our neighborhoods and families a long time ago. We've had the privilege to move out of our old communities, and the resources to find our new ones. Our gender expectations are generally less strict than those in working class people of color communities. We have more options. We have subcultures. Queer studies departments. Radical bookstores. The list goes on. So a lot of that is a cultural difference.
But what I really can't wrap my head around is how detached they are from the rest of the trans community and how unaware they are of what goes on with us. I heard some of "I don't understand all these new identities and what all these words mean and don't care to." Not understand is fine but not care is just fucking ignorant and offensive. Of course I would never give criticism at a support group-like setting so I didn't say anything. (I was also largely outnumbered.) But these guys need other people to understand who they are, especially during their transition so what the fuck are they doing saying I don't care about what these words mean? It's so hypocritical and unappreciative of everything the queer community is doing for them. If everybody had that attitude they wouldn't even be sitting in that room.
In my opinion, the thing we trans people need the most is visibility. I feel like my biggest problem being trans is that most people don't know that people like me exist, and therefore don't know how to deal with me and how to respect me. People don't understand who I am. So I choose trans-friendly living and working spaces. Not everyone can choose where to live and work but hanging out in a group of people who don't understand who you are sounds awfully stifling to me.
I did not like the way these guys looked at me and Tyler when we were holding hands. That did not make me feel comfortable. That did not make me feel like we were in a safe space. I also didn't like how many assumptions they made and how little room for diversity they had in their trans community. Excuse me for not behaving like a heterosexist douchebag?
This just makes perfect sense: You grow up a black lesbian. You transition. You become a stereotypical man who can't even interact with a pre-T transman like he's a fellow man, and can't handle two trans guys together. Totally fucking logical isn't it? I got absolutely nothing out of that forum other than it being an interesting anthropological experience. I've been in straight spaces where I felt less emasculated.
