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Welcome to my blog. This is my first blog entry.
I plan on quitting my job. This is the worst possible time for me to quit my once-a-week teaching gig because Sarah is unemployed, we're in a war economy, trans people are the most underemployed ever, and I can't even make enough to pay rent. But I work at a girls' program. And of course, trans men do not belong in women's spaces. My boss was nice about it but my co-worker initially refused to call me by male pronouns. They're still asking that I go by name-only and not talk about it until the Fall semester starts.
The amount of pressure going on here is just not appropriate. The shrink says I need to be living full-time as a man, which includes coming out at work. Apparently separate spaces are discriminatory, or at least the people at the health center seem to think so. I posted something online about FTM artists and women's spaces. I basically said "I just came out as trans. Most of my professional, artistic, and networking resources are somehow related to women-only spaces. Thoughts, please." The person who responded was respectful, but I got a bit of a critical vibe from his response. I told somebody that I just came out at work. (tone: venting) This person asked if I think I belong in that space identifying the way I do.
I like having other trans people to talk to, but sometimes I feel like people impose their own self-judgements on me. It doesn't seem to occur to anyone that maybe I am still processing this issue and don't need a reminder. Or that maybe not everyone is privileged enough to have a flourishing trans community and well-paying job. I might not have a choice of what job to take. Someone in Poedunk, Alabama might not sit around in their smoking jacket and talk about which community they're part of - they probably don't have much of a choice.
Now how the fuck do I get through a job interview without my trans identity coming up? What's the most difficult part of my job? Having to represent all people who look like me. And let's not forget that my current position and one more on my resume are at girls' programs, and I am telling them that I'm a guy and use male pronouns. And let's not forget my name change. The interview is on Thursday, wish me luck.
