The trans community sees categorizing people based on whether or not they pass as a taboo. I agree with not being preoccupied with passing, and not treating people differently based on how well they pass. However, I do not think that any taboos are productive. Of course for trans *women* it it makes sense not to categorize because they ALL experience discrimination based on their femininity and way more gender-policing than any of us. But in this case, it is important to realize that a non-passing trans guy can identify as male all he wants, but he will still have trouble getting taken seriously in male-dominated spaces, and basically still experience life as a person who is perceived to be a woman.
So what good is limiting people's access who need those spaces? If such a man decides not to transition medically then he's screwed. Yeah there are groups that are inclusive of trans men, but you're still limiting a person's access based on the way he feels about his gender, and not on the fact that he experiences oppression as someone who is perceived as a woman. You'd also be ignoring the whole spectrum and complexity of female-bodied masculine identities! So how could anyone say it has nothing to do with passing? (I'm not saying this to point out passing trans men's privilege or anything like that; that is NOT the point of this, it's just that right now I'm specifically talking about trans men who do not pass.)
That being said, I feel very conflicted about these things right now. By saying things like the above, I am "making it about men," and I feel very guilty about doing that. But I'm making it about female-bodied men who are perceived to be women! So what do I do with this??
I don't think I will lose my community. Most of the groups I am part of are inclusive of trans men and I think it's gonna be fine. But the other thing I'm conflicted about, other than the "making it about men" thing, is that girls' education is a huge part of my life that I might have to give up. I do not know how to simultaneously say that girls' only spaces are important to me, and say that I identify as a man.
I don't ever want to not belong at Rock Camp. I'm not the only trans guy there, but that contradiction is more of the issue to me than how inclusive a place is. It's gonna be the same thing at my job until I quit. Sure, some of the girls might grow up to be trans men, and my presence there means they are being represented, but I still can't make sense of that contradiction. And it's VERY hard to imagine having grown up a girl and then not belonging at Rock Camp.
Sometimes I feel like I am oppressive just by being trans. I had an interview today, and I never mentioned that my current job is at a girls-only program. My resume doesn't specify that either. The people I work with are very proud of being a girls' program, and it felt awful to have to hide that and contribute to their lack of visibility. (fyi I do not do this to Rock Camp) What I'm thinking is that I'd let them know what my deal is before they call my boss, but I would just rather not discuss my gender identity at an interview.
Also, I was running to cross the street at a red light (in a hurry to see Amy Ray at camp) and a policewoman was doing the better watch where you're going thing and I told her she better watch the way she talks to people like she's their mother. She says "what did you say little man?" and I said "I think you heard me" and walked off as she was screaming things that I couldn't hear. It felt very empowering to tell off a cop who was getting in my business, and I'd do it again. However, I didn't realize until she said "little man" that I was experiencing passing privilege. She must have thought I was some asshole boy disrespecting her because she was a female cop. I stood up for myself but contributed to oppression in the process. What do you do with that?
