Before I started openly identifying as transgender, people used to ask me what my name is short for, and I used to reluctantly tell them. They would be like "oooh that's so pretty" and it used to fuckin piss me off. Now it feels more "acceptable" to say that no, people don't get to know my birth name, but I feel like if I didn't look masculine, people would not think I had a legitimate reason not to share that.
I actually had an incident where a cis man insisted on putting my given name in his cell phone. I told him I had a serious problem with it. He suggested that I watch The Namesake, because apparently sounding cultured and citing movies somehow makes cis men less oppressive. We talked the next day and it came up, and I told him that I had friends who were transitioning, and even though I knew them by a certain name, I had to change that out of respect for them. He asked if I had a problem with my "real" name because I was changing my gender. I said no because at the time I was still identifying as female, but that was SUCH a problematic question. I was having thoughts about transitioning that were no one's business, and what does that have to do with respecting someone's chosen name anyway?
I had a more recent incident where the rec center wouldn't make me an ID card with my chosen name, I had to have the name on my ID. They asked why, and I said that it was a safety concern, and that I had valid and personal reasons. The woman who was working there said "Well it's a job concern, and I have perfectly valid reasons for saying no". Why do I have to either put myself out there and say that I'm trans, or have my rights denied? I have no doubt that if I had a common female first name and a full beard, there'd be no question about it and the rec center would be considered flat-out discriminatory because it's a lot easier to prove that an ID like that would be a safety concern. I asked for a grievance form, they said to call 311, 311 transferred me to the Commission for Human Rights, and the ignorant cis man at the other end had the FUCKING NERVE to ask me if I had surgeries.
So that's names, let's talk about pronouns. I work with children. So far, I have gathered up the courage to tell two of my students' parents, who both come from cultures that are not very gender-friendly, that I would like them to start referring to me with male pronouns. One of them awkwardly apologized and left the room; I haven't had a lesson with that kid since then, so the followup is yet to come. The other student's parent is still referring to me as "she".
My trans male friends say to just be firm and correct them, but they pass better and aren't teachers. Unfortunately, we still live in a society where gender variance is seen as a sexual fetish. I have to first of all not correct the parents in front of the child, and when I do find time to talk to them privately, I am making myself very vulnerable. Of course, if I told them I was starting hormones, as long as they didn't think I was sick and crazy, it would all make sense to them. Because apparently, intention to transition is what makes a person a "real" woman or man, and only a person who conforms to society's idea of what a woman or man should look like has the right to decide what other people can call them.
